Does it hurt my feelings that you've broken up with me? Yes. Does it hurt my feeling when you throw it back in my face that I'm always trying to hurt you? Yes. Does it bother me that you tell me that you've all this faith in our relationship and then you go and talk about how amazing everyone else in your life is but me? Yes.
I'm enjoying myself, very, very thoroughly, I'm kinda sad to leave, for real.
Well, I know that we've had our problems with us and everything, and I guess it is all my fault. Whatever. Do I feel it's fair that after everything you've done for me you can just break up with me and expect me to stick around? No. Would I stick around for anyone else? NO. Do I like the fact that you can just decide when you've had enough and just break up with me willy nilly and then prove to me that I'm a piece of shit by telling everyone else how happy you are now that I'm not in your life anymore? No.
I bought me a 35mm SLR camera and I've been taking pictures. Just today I finished my first Black and White roll and I'm gonna turn it in to get it developed. Let's hope they turn out well.
You are going to read this, I know. You're going to know it's about you. Perhaps I truly am a coward. Perhaps this relationship is over. Perhaps it should be over. Do I want it to be over? No. I wish you would let me tell you my feelings. I know you're going to simply fire back at me with something just as hurtful and mean because that's how you are, that's how it's always been. I hurt you, you hurt me. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't type this at all, but then again, maybe it's time you find out.
Anyway, everyone should know I'll be back in January. Who the hell am I kidding, no one reads this. I'm excited to see everyone again, my American friends and I have made a couple lists regarding the US.
I know you don't really care or you don't even want to know. I honestly feel like our whole relationship revolved around how you felt and how you were doing and why you were unhappy and why you were upset. You got angry because I never paid any attention to you but when was the last time you actually tried to talk to me? When you made me cry? Sure, I'm doing the same thing you did yesterday. But only you and I know this trick and not a goddamn person reads my blog.
My first meal back in the United States is going to be as such. Steak, corn, salad, Budweiser. Then, as soon as I get back to Columbia, I'm going to go to El Rancho and eat a big, greasy plate of steak nachos covered in cheese and beans and hot sauce. I'll shit fire for the rest of the week and Suet'll have to deal with it.
Do I still love you? Yes. Do I still want to be your boyfriend? More than anything else in the world. Are we making it easy for each other? Not at all. Skunka, if you want to be with me when I come home, I can think of nothing more pleasant than to come home to you and hold you in my arms once again, you simply have to let me do so... I told you once you're the love of my life, and I wasn't lying, you know.
Speaking of, I'm excited to see how my apartment has changed, I can't wait to see how much of my dresser top isn't visible and how much of my bathroom counter is covered in make-up! Let's not forget how excited I am to be able to not broil my steak in my oven, or make popcorn! WOOOOOO.
I'm just giving you shit, and you know it.
Kevin
